Confessions of an addict

I woke up this morning and barely wanted to get out of bed. I think it was a mixture of several things. I have been a bit sick, it has been really hot at night in my apartment, and I have been having some very strange dreams lately. Add to that the stronger than usual Monday morning funk, and there is no good reason to leave the bed.

Well, that funk stayed with me at work today and feeling a bit low, I decided to buy lunch. Some of you may know that I hate Taco Bell. I really think it is gross. Yet, every time I'm feeling low, I decided to get Taco Bell. So, I began wondering if this is just me simply trying to punish myself, put my life in perspective (well, my life isn't as bad as that taco was...), or a sign of something more sinister: a Taco Bell addiction. I did a quick search for addiction self-tests and came up with a "20 Questions" from Gambler's Anonymous. I have adapted that list to help me find out if I have an addiction. So, here goes.

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to eating Taco Bell?
Well, I have eaten it during my lunch break (which is getting long because of writing this post)...
2. Has eating Taco Bell ever made your home life unhappy?
Yes. I usually get grumpy after eating it, which sometimes gets transferred to my roommates... Sorry guys.
3. Did eating Taco Bell affect your reputation?
Among the many self-respecting Mexicans that I call friends, yes.
4. Have you ever felt remorse after eating Taco Bell?
Every time.
5. Did you ever eat Taco Bell to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
Interesting thought, but no. I have never prostituted myself to Taco Bell.
6. Did eating Taco Bell cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
Well, I am writing this blog instead of working...
7. After eating Taco Bell did you feel you must return as soon as possible and eat back your losses?
Not really sure what this one means... which is odd since I wrote this self-test.
8. After eating Taco Bell did you have a strong urge to return and eat more?
I usually have a strong urge to vomit after eating Taco Bell, so no.
9. Did you often eat Taco Bell until your last dollar was gone?
Not often.
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your trips to Taco Bell?
I don't beg for Taco Bell or any other fast food franchise. I am a proud man.
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance eating at Taco Bell?
Does my soul count? Good taste?
12. Were you reluctant to use "Taco Bell money" for normal expenditures?
Fortunately, no.
13. Did eating Taco Bell make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
Yes. I consider eating Taco Bell a sign that I am careless about my welfare.
14. Did you ever eat longer than you had planned?
Yes...
15. Have you ever eaten Taco Bell to escape worry or trouble?
Did you read what I wrote above? I often regress into this behavior when I am worried, troubled, stressed, or generally lack friendly companionship.
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance a Taco Bell run?
Heavens no.
17. Did eating at Taco Bell cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Most definitely.
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to eat Taco Bell?
Yes, dang it, yes! What do you want from me!!!
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by eating at Taco Bell?
No.
20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your eating at Taco Bell?
Suicide no, but it depends on what you mean by "self destruction." I usuall feel like I am going to self destruct after I eat there.

Well, they say that a yes to 7 or more means you are a compulsive gambler. Let's see if I am a compulsive Taco Bell addict. Well, I count more than 7. I guess that means I have a problem. If I don't post for a while, it's because I'll be in rehab.