Who Wants To Be A Game Show Host?

As I get older, I realize that most of the things little kids want to be are really crazy career choices. Policemen and firefighters are constantly putting themselves at risk, pre-meds face rediculous amounts of competiton just to become a doctor and then have a lifetime of paying malpractice insurance, and with the state of the American spaceshuttle fleet being what it is, well, I wouldn't step into one. So, as a society, we have a little crisis on our hands. We need to educate our children to stay away from these crazy, dangerous careers and find something more fulfilling. So, what's my answer to this problem? We need to help young Americans see the benefits of a career as a Game Show host. As the baby boomers retire there will be more need for game and reality TV shows. Who will fill these needed positions? That's right, America's best and brightest.

We need to start this education young. How many kids say "I want to be a game show host when I grow up"? It is imperative that we change this foolish way of thinking. Teach your children that a life as a game show host can be fulfilling and rewarding. Not nly do you get to meet famous people and have lovely assistants, but you also get to be on TV! Why would you want to do anything else? No risk, no insurance, and there is always a winner.




Well, there is the hair...

My name is Jack Bauer

Hello. My name is (my name) and I'm a 24 addict. I've been an addict since September 2005. I know what you may be thinking, that's not so long. But I have seen every episode of 24 that was ever made (including those stupid mobile phone ones), and as such, have had a constant flow of Jack Bauer over the pursuing months until now. But, like all the other addicts out there, I am arriving on a bittersweet time in my life - the two hour finale. I can't wait to see how Jack & co. bring down Pres. Dipwad and his henchmen, and stop that submarine from attacking Los Angeles, but what am I going to do when the credits roll? I'll be out of a fix for the first time since I got on this crazy ride. Boy, I've always felt that 24 was a soap opera for men. Glad to see that I'm not the only one (Thanks P for the heads up).

Somehow I will survive...

Available

Does anyone else find something ironic about marking yourself as "available" in your instant messenger? If it were only so easy.....

Obviously this blue part here is the land...

So, I have added a map to this blog. "A map," you say. Yes a map. Let me tell you about it. Well, this lovely map tracks where it is that people are who read this blog. Yes, this is another pathetic effort to see if people are actually reading this thing, but at least it's colorful, and no, it doesn't collect antything about you so don't worry about Big Brother getting you. Trust me, being the victim of fraud myself, I don't want to have that happen to you (see, I care. Read my blog). Anyway, I'm really hoping that I get some pretty esoteric hits on the map like from Mongolia or something. But I'm pretty much guessing that there will be a big red dot in the the middle of the US... (this is the place!). Well, just thought I would share. Off to my softball game. Wish me luck!

Tech Update

Ok, so I took down the post about the Atom feed for this site, and for a good reason. I have decided to run my feed through Feedburner. That means that all 3 of you who read this thing can now use pretty much any type of RSS reader to keep tabs on this site. I guess what I am hoping for is to make this blog a bit more read (tell your friends...). So, if you happened to read my instructions on how to set up a Live Bookmark in Firefox, nothing has changed (at least on the front end). The steps remain the same:

1. Click on the syndication icon in the address bar (possibly on the status bar at the bottom of your browser).

2. Give the Live Bookmark a name (default is the name of this blog)

3. Tell the browser where to store the bookmark.

Pretty easy. What this will do for you is give you a bookmark that will automatically update itself to show the latest posts on my blog. It makes it really easy to keep up on what is goign through my skull without having to type scrumpestuous, which can be a pain, I know.

You can also use a dedicated feed reader program to manage "subscriptions" to my blog, and all the other blogs that you read. This is actually the main reason for my switching to Feedburner. Feedburner makes it really easy for these programs to read this blog (in case you didn't know there are several types of RSS and a few Atom formats as well). Feedburner basically takes care of handling whatever covsersion is necessary for your program to read my feed.

And, if that isn't good enough for you (or you aren't using an RSS capable browser or external program), you can simply bookmark this page. You can also get there by clicking the yellow Feedburner banner to the right.

I hope this makes things easy for you all!

Confessions of an addict

I woke up this morning and barely wanted to get out of bed. I think it was a mixture of several things. I have been a bit sick, it has been really hot at night in my apartment, and I have been having some very strange dreams lately. Add to that the stronger than usual Monday morning funk, and there is no good reason to leave the bed.

Well, that funk stayed with me at work today and feeling a bit low, I decided to buy lunch. Some of you may know that I hate Taco Bell. I really think it is gross. Yet, every time I'm feeling low, I decided to get Taco Bell. So, I began wondering if this is just me simply trying to punish myself, put my life in perspective (well, my life isn't as bad as that taco was...), or a sign of something more sinister: a Taco Bell addiction. I did a quick search for addiction self-tests and came up with a "20 Questions" from Gambler's Anonymous. I have adapted that list to help me find out if I have an addiction. So, here goes.

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to eating Taco Bell?
Well, I have eaten it during my lunch break (which is getting long because of writing this post)...
2. Has eating Taco Bell ever made your home life unhappy?
Yes. I usually get grumpy after eating it, which sometimes gets transferred to my roommates... Sorry guys.
3. Did eating Taco Bell affect your reputation?
Among the many self-respecting Mexicans that I call friends, yes.
4. Have you ever felt remorse after eating Taco Bell?
Every time.
5. Did you ever eat Taco Bell to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
Interesting thought, but no. I have never prostituted myself to Taco Bell.
6. Did eating Taco Bell cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
Well, I am writing this blog instead of working...
7. After eating Taco Bell did you feel you must return as soon as possible and eat back your losses?
Not really sure what this one means... which is odd since I wrote this self-test.
8. After eating Taco Bell did you have a strong urge to return and eat more?
I usually have a strong urge to vomit after eating Taco Bell, so no.
9. Did you often eat Taco Bell until your last dollar was gone?
Not often.
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your trips to Taco Bell?
I don't beg for Taco Bell or any other fast food franchise. I am a proud man.
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance eating at Taco Bell?
Does my soul count? Good taste?
12. Were you reluctant to use "Taco Bell money" for normal expenditures?
Fortunately, no.
13. Did eating Taco Bell make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
Yes. I consider eating Taco Bell a sign that I am careless about my welfare.
14. Did you ever eat longer than you had planned?
Yes...
15. Have you ever eaten Taco Bell to escape worry or trouble?
Did you read what I wrote above? I often regress into this behavior when I am worried, troubled, stressed, or generally lack friendly companionship.
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance a Taco Bell run?
Heavens no.
17. Did eating at Taco Bell cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Most definitely.
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to eat Taco Bell?
Yes, dang it, yes! What do you want from me!!!
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by eating at Taco Bell?
No.
20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your eating at Taco Bell?
Suicide no, but it depends on what you mean by "self destruction." I usuall feel like I am going to self destruct after I eat there.

Well, they say that a yes to 7 or more means you are a compulsive gambler. Let's see if I am a compulsive Taco Bell addict. Well, I count more than 7. I guess that means I have a problem. If I don't post for a while, it's because I'll be in rehab.

A Modest Proposal

In today's era of modern communication, there are many ways for people to communicate (big news, I know). Email, cell phones, text messaging. Most of them are fine. But there is one kind of communication that has a severly gaping hole in it, and lucky for all of you, I have a solution. That's right folks, I'm taking a swing at those annoying little yellow smileys that we call emoticons.

I have a love hate relationship with emoticons. They're sort of that visual cue that fills in for the lack of vocal inflection and body language that IM doesn't give you. I wouldn't really care about all that if it weren't for the fact that sometimes, you have to use them (ever wonder why Shakespeare is kinda boring to read but fun to watch? That's right, no emoticons). As I see it, emoticons must have been designed by 14 year old girls. They just exude a vibe of lip-gloss and glitter, and therefore, they aren't really all that suited to expressing male emotions.

So, now on to the solution. People have gotten pretty creative with emoticons. I can't count the times that I have needed an emoticon for:

Abraham Lincoln: =):-)=
The Pope: +O:-)
or Elvis : ~:-\

What we really need are emoticons like this:

Manly grunt: :|
Connery Laugh: `:-\|
or Magnum: >:-+

Now, these are only a sampling of what may come. Given the huge range of emotions that most males express, there could literally be thousands - nay, millions of manly emoticons. The only last suggestion that I would give is to eliminate some of the stupid emoticons that seems to crop up (especially in the MSN set) like dog face, cat face, and and wilted rose. I say we replace them with stuff like this or this. I think that would get the message across.

If only I had been so clever...

So, another video. Just goes to show that you can still be cool without all the digital bling-bling. Should I do the bald/beard thing? Better watch it with the sound on...

More Newsradio Quotes

Well, I thought it was time to share more wit and wisdom (?) from the folks over there at WNYX. Enjoy!

Bill: This may come as a surprise to Dave, but slavery was abolished in this country - No offense Catherine.
Catherine: Why would I be offended by slavery being abolished?
Bill: I don't know, I just like to cover my bases.

Bill: It's better if we pick one specific issue and not back down. Like Custer we will make our last stand.
Catherine: Wasn't Custer massacred?
Bill: Big Chief Custer? No. He killed many paleface that day.

Anybody Know What This Is About?

I remember seeing this video when I was a freshman in college and thinking that it was a hilarious commentary on politics, etc. Well, I recently rewatched it and I have no idea what is going on. Are the Russians Invading? Are they coming to the West for refuge? Are really going to have to wear those rediculous costumes in the future? In order to find some answer to this madness, I am proposing a contest for the best explanation for this video. Please post you theories in the comments. There will be some sort of prize (probably my respect, possibly a Kit-Kat) for the winner. You know, you might as well try, the odds are pretty good that you will win since tons of people read my blog... Just click to play!

What the Nerf!

Remember those nerf guns with darts that never stick to anything? Well, apparently the people over at nerf let a sticky one pass through. Last night, while on the phone with a friend, I shot a dart out of my gun (yes, I'm 25 and own a nerf gun) at the ceiling and IT IS STILL THERE. Now, I have no idea how it is managing to stick there, but I think for right now, I am going to leave it and see how long it stays up there. Don't worry, I'll keep you all posted.