D's Top Ten Movies #7 - The Pink Panther Strikes Again

I don't know that I am going to say much about this movie in this post. I'll probably just leave it to you out there to go out and see it. I have to say that I love all of the Pink Panther movies. I got it from my Mom, who introduced them to me as a child. I probably could have replaced Strikes Again with Return of the Pink Panther or A Shot in the Dark, which are both great movies, but Strikes Again is the one that I remember most from my childhood, so it gets to represent the series in the number seven slot.

There isn't much to the plot of this movie (or indeed to the plots of any of the movies), but the execution of them is so funny. From the bad french accent ("the minkey") to the endless attempts by Cato to attack Clousseau, to the incessant cries from Dreyfuss for Clousseau's life, any of these movies will have you laughing until your sides hurt. I highly reccommend that if you haven't seen any of these movies, go out and rent one today. Don't worry about Trail of the Pink Panther as it is a horrible mishmash of clips from other movies put together after Peter Sellers' death. But any of the other Sellers Panther movies will be a real treat. But you don't have to take my word for it...

D's Top Ten Movies #8 - The Incredibles

This would probably be the most debated movie on my list, if people were actually debating my movie picks. I guess a lot of the reason why I like this movie has to do with my childhood love of comics and superheroes. I still have a decently large collection of comics at my parents house consisting mostly of X-Men, with a heathly dose of Superman, Spider-Man, and Batman thrown in for good measure. Mix with that my love of all things Pixar, and you've got a winner.

The great thing about the Pixar movies is that the stories are just so much fun. Too often I see movies that are just too much about effects, and you would think that with the technology available to them, it would be easy to go all out on a superhero pic and ignore the storyline. Heaven knows that is what happened with X3. Too many half developed plot elements. Yet, for all the technical advantages of animating superheroes, the animators didn't use their talent for big effects, but rather the small ones that add a realistic touch. Just look at the character's hair or skin. It's not easy to make those things look real (if you don't believe me, look at the majority of the computer animated movies out on the market. Shiny spheres and cylinders).

One of the things that I liked the most about this movie is all the time spent showing the characters at home, in more real-life situations. I love the idea of a "retired" hero at home with the kids, and I love how they were portrayed as being pretty much normal people. No dark past, no secret hideout, and no fancy cars (well, mostly). Even the relationships seems pretty much like everyone elses. Problems at home, time with the family and all that. Contrast that with the adventures the family has when they team up, and I begin to get a feeling that I have had since I was a kid. If these seemingly normal people can do it, I might stand a chance too. I want to be a superhero. Now where's that toxic waste...

D's Top Ten Movies #9 - The Lord of the Rings

What can I say, this is probably the epic of my generation. Originally, I was skeptical of these movies. I missed all of the hype surrounding the first of these movies (being in Mexico at the time), and my first impression of them came from a giant poster in the apartment of a college student that I taught in Puebla. As my companion and I were getting to know her, we talked about it, and I remember thinking, "Man, another fantasy nerd pic." You see, I am not a big fan of the fantasy genre. It was the nerdy kids that I grew up with always talking about wizards this and unicorns that that really turned me off on the subject. I guess I should tell you that I was what most kids called nerdy, so the kids that I called nerdy were, well, ubernerds. Anyway, I really didn't think that the movies or books were worth checking out.

That all changed when Fellowship of the Ring was released on DVD. I was at my parents house for a few weeks, and saw a poster for Fellowship in the window of the local Blockbuster. Thinking that Liv Tyler was hot, I decided to give it a rent, and I got hooked.

I don't know what to say about these films (In case you haven't picked up on it yet, I'm considering the trilogy as one movie) other than what has already been said. 11 Oscars and millions of fans can't be completely wrong. The cinematography is good, the adaptation, though lacking in some parts, is about as good as you can get, and the acting is well done. I think that the biggest thing about these movies is the absolutely large feel of these movies. From the sets, to the backgrounds, to the story itself, everything is too large to be contained in this world, yet no so big that it seems unreal. Kudos to Peter Jackson for undertaking a task that by its very nature doesn't usually work and making it work.

D's Top Ten Movies #10 - The Importance of Being Earnest

So, to start out the list we have one of the funniest movies I happen to own, The Importance of Being Earnest. My first impression of the movie was that it was just another Jane Austen wannabe, estrogen filled, chick flick. Well, though this isn't your typical man movie, I was pleasantly surprised when I got around to watching it. I usually describe Earnest to others as the ultimate polite comedy. I'm not fully sure what I mean by that, but it seems to fit. The humor in this film is wonderfully dry and wraps some of the most over-the-top moments in stuffy victorian sensibilities. I really think that it's the juxtaposition of absurd and subdued that makes the film so excruciatingly funny.

The cast is great. All the actors seem to play well, and do it naturally except for Reese Witherspoon. She does a fine job, but you can tell that this isn't her ususal type of role, and she doesn't pull it off with quite the grace that everyone else does. I don't think I need to say much about the screenplay. It's good. Maybe not the best adaptation of the Oscar Wilde classic, but it's good enough for me.

I would reccommend this highly to anyone, and yes guys, it is safe to have in your collection. It's funny if you want to pay attention to the plot and show a bit of class, but it isn't by any means an Adam Sandler movie, so if that's what you are looking for, keep looking. All in all, this is a charming and very funny movie that is clean enough for any BYU girl out there.

I Like to Watch

So, I figured that in order to honor my return to the blogosphere, I would present all of my (2) faithful readers with a list of the top 10 movies that I happen to own. For those of you who don't know, I consider myself a kind of a film nerd. I don't often spend time at the art house cinemas (most of that stuff happens once a year during Sundance, and I've never been), and I've missed a lot of the "classics" so I'm probably the film world's equivalent of a band geek. Being that as it may, I feel my credentials are sound. I've seen a lot of bad movies and like to think that I've got a pretty good eye for a good one. So, now that I've established myself as one of the world's foremost connoisseurs of film, let's get down to business.

First of all, let me tell you that for me, cinema falls into two general categories. There are movies and there are films. Movies tend to be more of the "mental junk food" type, to borrow a phrase from my dad. Sometimes they are just dumb, like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or Airplane or more substantial like Sneakers, but they are always pure entertainment. Then there are films. To me, films have something epic, artistic or classic about them. I don't favor one category over the other, they both serve a purpose, and you'll see a mix of them throughout the list.

One last thing about the list. I have put it in an order, from 10 at the bottom and 1 at the top, but you shouldn't consider the order to be set in stone. I debated a lot about what to put in the list and where to put it and if you were to ask me a month from now it would likely be different. That being said, let me start you off with short reviews of a few of the honorable mentions. These are in no order whatsoever.

Star Wars
Yeah, it didn't make the top 10. I like it a lot, and the trilogy has become modern mythology, but I really feel that the new trilogy and the additions that Lucas has made (not to mention his greedy marketing schemes) have tarnished it. Good story, classic characters, effects that still look good to me, and a lot of childhood nostalgia help this one to make honorable mention.

Much Ado About Nothing
I can't remember the first time that I realized Shakespeare could be wickedly funny, but I'm pretty sure that it was while watching the 1993 Kenneth Branagh version. I guess this would fall into the film category, the choice of location is probably enough to put it there for me. I mean, after all, Tuscany! The acting is superb, except for the reason that this didn't make the top ten, Keanu Reeves. As far as I'm concerned, Keanu's career peaked at Bill and Ted's. I'm convinced that Keanu was cast because there wasn't enough money left for someone else. Man, his scenes make this otherwise magnificent movie drop down to honorable mention status. Too bad.

Some Like It Hot
Oooh, a classic. Very funny. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's an over-the-top comedy of errors about two cross-dressing jazz musicians in the late 20's. If that doesn't pique your interest, you probably wouldn't like this movie. I don't know what more to say about it other than you'll laugh your head off when you watch it.

Sneakers
This one is a great movie that is suspenseful without being over done and funny without being ridiculous. I really think that the cast sells this movie for me. Robert Redford, Sidney Poitier, Sir Ben Kingsley, David Stratharin (of recent Good Night and Good Luck fame), River Phoenix and... Dan Aykroyd? Well, trust me, it works due to a well written and well thought out script that seems to know how to best use each actor. The addition of Mary McDonnell adds a touch of class that makes this movie a real treat to watch.

Clue
It's sopomoric, silly, and it has 3 endings! Man we watched this so much when I was a kid that my mom banned it for a while. Maybe that had to do with some of the innuendos (which I didn't pick up as a kid), but mostly I think it had to do with all the repeated viewings. This movie has such a great ensemble cast and some unforgettable lines ("heaving... breathing flames" and "I had to stop her from screaming" come to mind) that it is worth a few viewings. Though it has three different endings (which one you saw was determined by which theater you went to, I believe) you should really watch all of them back to back to back. And remember folks, Communism is just a red herring.

Ghostbusters
This is another one that I watched a lot as a kid. I still remember the first time I saw it was when my cousins rented it when it first came out on VHS. I was pretty young then, and quite frankly it scared me a little. Good thing I got over that. Between the movies, the cartoon and the proton pack I got for my 7th birthday, I grew up in a Ghostbusters world. I guess it was such a big part of my pop-cultural education that I named my current computer Ecto-1, and I've never thought of twinkies in the same way...

Well, that wraps up my list of honorable mentions. In the next few days, I will post more in depth reviews of my top ten list, one movie at a time. Stay tuned...

Honor Code 2.0

Note: Some readers may find this post offensive and my views heretical. To you I say, move out of Provo. Please.

If you are still reading, let me congratulate you on being a risk-taker. A real devil-may-care, living-on-the-edge, hyphenation-abusing kind of person. That being said, let me launch right in to this post.

Like many recently graduated BYU students, I am facing one of the greatest dilemmas of my life. No, it's not what to do with the rest of my life. That's a question that, thanks to grad school, I don't have to answer for a while. It is the question of what to do now that I don't have to live the Honor Code. Add to that the fact that I am pretty much moving to Soddom and Gamorrah and I guess I am a "dead man walking," as it were. So, what am I to do?

Well, all joking aside (for a moment), I really don't have a problem with the Honor Code. It's pretty much how I have always chosen to live my life. I know, I know. I'm pretty perfect, aren't I? (OK, humor is back). So here is my solution to the great dilemma of dilemmas. I like to call it Honor Code 2.0: Lost In New York. Pretty much it looks like the original with these changes:

1) The bathroom. The honor code states: "The use of the bathroom area by members of the opposite sex is not appropriate unless emergency or civility dictate otherwise; and then only if the safety, privacy and sensitivity of other residents are not jeopardized." Pretty sure I'm not going to send a girl to the neighbors to take a pee. I have a feeling she wouldn't come back.

2) Curfew. I really don't have a problem with this one, and don't intend on breaking it just because I can. I have never seen the point in sticking around someone's place until way too late but, I won't kick anyone out if the movie isn't finished.

3) Facial Hair. Yeah, that's the big one. Here are my changes to the facial hair category: Mustaches (or mustachios if you prefer) are banned, even if they do not extend beyond the corners of your mouth. Neatly trimmed goatees, beards, etc. are allowed. But only if they make you look sexy.

So there it is, Honor Code 2.0. Call me a rebel, if you like but you'd be wrong since I was a Kang.

Who Wants To Be A Game Show Host?

As I get older, I realize that most of the things little kids want to be are really crazy career choices. Policemen and firefighters are constantly putting themselves at risk, pre-meds face rediculous amounts of competiton just to become a doctor and then have a lifetime of paying malpractice insurance, and with the state of the American spaceshuttle fleet being what it is, well, I wouldn't step into one. So, as a society, we have a little crisis on our hands. We need to educate our children to stay away from these crazy, dangerous careers and find something more fulfilling. So, what's my answer to this problem? We need to help young Americans see the benefits of a career as a Game Show host. As the baby boomers retire there will be more need for game and reality TV shows. Who will fill these needed positions? That's right, America's best and brightest.

We need to start this education young. How many kids say "I want to be a game show host when I grow up"? It is imperative that we change this foolish way of thinking. Teach your children that a life as a game show host can be fulfilling and rewarding. Not nly do you get to meet famous people and have lovely assistants, but you also get to be on TV! Why would you want to do anything else? No risk, no insurance, and there is always a winner.




Well, there is the hair...

My name is Jack Bauer

Hello. My name is (my name) and I'm a 24 addict. I've been an addict since September 2005. I know what you may be thinking, that's not so long. But I have seen every episode of 24 that was ever made (including those stupid mobile phone ones), and as such, have had a constant flow of Jack Bauer over the pursuing months until now. But, like all the other addicts out there, I am arriving on a bittersweet time in my life - the two hour finale. I can't wait to see how Jack & co. bring down Pres. Dipwad and his henchmen, and stop that submarine from attacking Los Angeles, but what am I going to do when the credits roll? I'll be out of a fix for the first time since I got on this crazy ride. Boy, I've always felt that 24 was a soap opera for men. Glad to see that I'm not the only one (Thanks P for the heads up).

Somehow I will survive...

Available

Does anyone else find something ironic about marking yourself as "available" in your instant messenger? If it were only so easy.....

Obviously this blue part here is the land...

So, I have added a map to this blog. "A map," you say. Yes a map. Let me tell you about it. Well, this lovely map tracks where it is that people are who read this blog. Yes, this is another pathetic effort to see if people are actually reading this thing, but at least it's colorful, and no, it doesn't collect antything about you so don't worry about Big Brother getting you. Trust me, being the victim of fraud myself, I don't want to have that happen to you (see, I care. Read my blog). Anyway, I'm really hoping that I get some pretty esoteric hits on the map like from Mongolia or something. But I'm pretty much guessing that there will be a big red dot in the the middle of the US... (this is the place!). Well, just thought I would share. Off to my softball game. Wish me luck!

Tech Update

Ok, so I took down the post about the Atom feed for this site, and for a good reason. I have decided to run my feed through Feedburner. That means that all 3 of you who read this thing can now use pretty much any type of RSS reader to keep tabs on this site. I guess what I am hoping for is to make this blog a bit more read (tell your friends...). So, if you happened to read my instructions on how to set up a Live Bookmark in Firefox, nothing has changed (at least on the front end). The steps remain the same:

1. Click on the syndication icon in the address bar (possibly on the status bar at the bottom of your browser).

2. Give the Live Bookmark a name (default is the name of this blog)

3. Tell the browser where to store the bookmark.

Pretty easy. What this will do for you is give you a bookmark that will automatically update itself to show the latest posts on my blog. It makes it really easy to keep up on what is goign through my skull without having to type scrumpestuous, which can be a pain, I know.

You can also use a dedicated feed reader program to manage "subscriptions" to my blog, and all the other blogs that you read. This is actually the main reason for my switching to Feedburner. Feedburner makes it really easy for these programs to read this blog (in case you didn't know there are several types of RSS and a few Atom formats as well). Feedburner basically takes care of handling whatever covsersion is necessary for your program to read my feed.

And, if that isn't good enough for you (or you aren't using an RSS capable browser or external program), you can simply bookmark this page. You can also get there by clicking the yellow Feedburner banner to the right.

I hope this makes things easy for you all!

Confessions of an addict

I woke up this morning and barely wanted to get out of bed. I think it was a mixture of several things. I have been a bit sick, it has been really hot at night in my apartment, and I have been having some very strange dreams lately. Add to that the stronger than usual Monday morning funk, and there is no good reason to leave the bed.

Well, that funk stayed with me at work today and feeling a bit low, I decided to buy lunch. Some of you may know that I hate Taco Bell. I really think it is gross. Yet, every time I'm feeling low, I decided to get Taco Bell. So, I began wondering if this is just me simply trying to punish myself, put my life in perspective (well, my life isn't as bad as that taco was...), or a sign of something more sinister: a Taco Bell addiction. I did a quick search for addiction self-tests and came up with a "20 Questions" from Gambler's Anonymous. I have adapted that list to help me find out if I have an addiction. So, here goes.

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to eating Taco Bell?
Well, I have eaten it during my lunch break (which is getting long because of writing this post)...
2. Has eating Taco Bell ever made your home life unhappy?
Yes. I usually get grumpy after eating it, which sometimes gets transferred to my roommates... Sorry guys.
3. Did eating Taco Bell affect your reputation?
Among the many self-respecting Mexicans that I call friends, yes.
4. Have you ever felt remorse after eating Taco Bell?
Every time.
5. Did you ever eat Taco Bell to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
Interesting thought, but no. I have never prostituted myself to Taco Bell.
6. Did eating Taco Bell cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
Well, I am writing this blog instead of working...
7. After eating Taco Bell did you feel you must return as soon as possible and eat back your losses?
Not really sure what this one means... which is odd since I wrote this self-test.
8. After eating Taco Bell did you have a strong urge to return and eat more?
I usually have a strong urge to vomit after eating Taco Bell, so no.
9. Did you often eat Taco Bell until your last dollar was gone?
Not often.
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your trips to Taco Bell?
I don't beg for Taco Bell or any other fast food franchise. I am a proud man.
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance eating at Taco Bell?
Does my soul count? Good taste?
12. Were you reluctant to use "Taco Bell money" for normal expenditures?
Fortunately, no.
13. Did eating Taco Bell make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
Yes. I consider eating Taco Bell a sign that I am careless about my welfare.
14. Did you ever eat longer than you had planned?
Yes...
15. Have you ever eaten Taco Bell to escape worry or trouble?
Did you read what I wrote above? I often regress into this behavior when I am worried, troubled, stressed, or generally lack friendly companionship.
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance a Taco Bell run?
Heavens no.
17. Did eating at Taco Bell cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Most definitely.
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to eat Taco Bell?
Yes, dang it, yes! What do you want from me!!!
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by eating at Taco Bell?
No.
20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your eating at Taco Bell?
Suicide no, but it depends on what you mean by "self destruction." I usuall feel like I am going to self destruct after I eat there.

Well, they say that a yes to 7 or more means you are a compulsive gambler. Let's see if I am a compulsive Taco Bell addict. Well, I count more than 7. I guess that means I have a problem. If I don't post for a while, it's because I'll be in rehab.

A Modest Proposal

In today's era of modern communication, there are many ways for people to communicate (big news, I know). Email, cell phones, text messaging. Most of them are fine. But there is one kind of communication that has a severly gaping hole in it, and lucky for all of you, I have a solution. That's right folks, I'm taking a swing at those annoying little yellow smileys that we call emoticons.

I have a love hate relationship with emoticons. They're sort of that visual cue that fills in for the lack of vocal inflection and body language that IM doesn't give you. I wouldn't really care about all that if it weren't for the fact that sometimes, you have to use them (ever wonder why Shakespeare is kinda boring to read but fun to watch? That's right, no emoticons). As I see it, emoticons must have been designed by 14 year old girls. They just exude a vibe of lip-gloss and glitter, and therefore, they aren't really all that suited to expressing male emotions.

So, now on to the solution. People have gotten pretty creative with emoticons. I can't count the times that I have needed an emoticon for:

Abraham Lincoln: =):-)=
The Pope: +O:-)
or Elvis : ~:-\

What we really need are emoticons like this:

Manly grunt: :|
Connery Laugh: `:-\|
or Magnum: >:-+

Now, these are only a sampling of what may come. Given the huge range of emotions that most males express, there could literally be thousands - nay, millions of manly emoticons. The only last suggestion that I would give is to eliminate some of the stupid emoticons that seems to crop up (especially in the MSN set) like dog face, cat face, and and wilted rose. I say we replace them with stuff like this or this. I think that would get the message across.

If only I had been so clever...

So, another video. Just goes to show that you can still be cool without all the digital bling-bling. Should I do the bald/beard thing? Better watch it with the sound on...

More Newsradio Quotes

Well, I thought it was time to share more wit and wisdom (?) from the folks over there at WNYX. Enjoy!

Bill: This may come as a surprise to Dave, but slavery was abolished in this country - No offense Catherine.
Catherine: Why would I be offended by slavery being abolished?
Bill: I don't know, I just like to cover my bases.

Bill: It's better if we pick one specific issue and not back down. Like Custer we will make our last stand.
Catherine: Wasn't Custer massacred?
Bill: Big Chief Custer? No. He killed many paleface that day.

Anybody Know What This Is About?

I remember seeing this video when I was a freshman in college and thinking that it was a hilarious commentary on politics, etc. Well, I recently rewatched it and I have no idea what is going on. Are the Russians Invading? Are they coming to the West for refuge? Are really going to have to wear those rediculous costumes in the future? In order to find some answer to this madness, I am proposing a contest for the best explanation for this video. Please post you theories in the comments. There will be some sort of prize (probably my respect, possibly a Kit-Kat) for the winner. You know, you might as well try, the odds are pretty good that you will win since tons of people read my blog... Just click to play!

What the Nerf!

Remember those nerf guns with darts that never stick to anything? Well, apparently the people over at nerf let a sticky one pass through. Last night, while on the phone with a friend, I shot a dart out of my gun (yes, I'm 25 and own a nerf gun) at the ceiling and IT IS STILL THERE. Now, I have no idea how it is managing to stick there, but I think for right now, I am going to leave it and see how long it stays up there. Don't worry, I'll keep you all posted.

Update

Well,

I suppose that it is time to update y'all about life. For those of you who still read this (i.e. - nobody), and haven't talked to me in awhile, here is the skinny about my life. Things have been crazy for the past while. I have been traveling all over the place for grad school interviews and have been super busy with work and school. This semester I have been to:

Phoenix
Long Beach
St. Louis
Seattle
New York City

Dang! That's a lot. Anyway, I'm not going to bother with putting up my silly graphic with all of the grad schools, so I will make my big announcement right now:

I am going to NYU!

So that means that I will be moving to the Big Apple and will be there for 5-6 years. Crazy. I never pictured myself there, but that's where it is going to be. I actually only applied so that I could possibly get a cheap trip out there, and now my life is going to happen out there. I am still in a bit of shock. So there you have it. I am done with finals and walk on Friday, I have an apartment lined up in NY (and no, it's not cheap), funding, insurance and the whole ball of wax. Guess this means that I am growing up. And to think, not that long ago, I had hair. Well, sort of.

The Dawn of a New Era

Without any further ado, I would like to announce the relaunch of the Scrumpestuous Observer-Picayune (the crowd erupts in cheering). I know, I know, you are all thrilled (cheering begins to die and then suddenly, as if by an act of divine intervention, it begins anew). No really, please stop (as the crowd is a polite one, the cheering ceases). Anyway, school is out and I am hoping to pay more attention to my journalistic duties, and as motivation, I decided to make the blog look (hopefully) cooler. It still isn't done, I have a few kinks to iron out in the design (the box around the profile...) but I hope that you enjoy the new look. As you might have guessed, I didn't really pick the color scheme until last, so if you have any suggestions, I am open to them. The center of the whole design is the new banner announcing the blog. I would have to say that I was shooting for something that could be described as hip-cartoony-eclectic, and I think I did a pretty OK job. Yet, as I look at it, it always reminds me a bit of the opening credits to Ghostwriter. Odd. Anyway, expect more from me in the future as I fulfil my goal to fill your life with crap from mine. Enjoy, and welcome to the new blog!

Thoughts In New York